


Noah

by doctery



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 18:38:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6716530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctery/pseuds/doctery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-SPOILER- don't read if you haven't finished the Raven King!</p><p>This, is Noahs story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Noah

**Author's Note:**

> read this poem "the hostage" by Schiller first to undertsand what Noah is talking about when he mentions it http://germanstories.vcu.edu/schiller/hostage_dual.html

_He sought his friend - „The king‘s decree_

_Ordains my life the cross upon_

_Shall pay the deed I would have done;_

_Yet grants three days‘ delay to me,_

_My sister‘s marriage-rites to see;_

_If thou, the hostage, wilt remain Till I - set free - return again!“_

There was pain.

The world turned black and red and white. Everything was pain.

And then it stopped. Like a light switch turned off. He couldn‘t feel anything anymore. No that wasn‘t true.

He felt cold. It was so cold here.

Then the world began spinning. Faster and faster, lights going by. Darkness, light, darkness, light, darkness. It felt like a merry go round gone wild. He shove and swung and got himself off. He found himself standing in front of a boy, huddled together on the ground surrounded by hornets. _Wrong time. Not yet,_ He thought and wasn‘t sure were those thoughts were coming from. The merry go round started again and took him with it. Spinning and spinning. He felt his knees wobble, his hands shaking.

 _I‘m dead,_ he thought and it stopped again.

Now he stood above himself, next to Whelk. _My friend. I thought we were friends._ Noah’s body was lying on the ground, his limbs horridly perverted. Blood on his face, blood all around him. Noah didn‘t feel the pain anymore. He could remember it and he felt sorry for the body. Would Whelk just leave him here? Would he rot here without anyone knowing? He wondered if anyone would miss him. He started drowning in self-pity.

_I don‘t want this. I wanna go home._

Whelk was frantically looking around, waiting for something to happen. For the ley line to wake, to give him power. But nothing happened. At least not to him. But Noah Czerny could feel it, pulsing through him, making him stay in time. Whelk turned again, him and then Noah was gone again.

The merry go round spun and spun, and Noah could see glimpses of the time he was now in. It was a loop, no a circle. A loop would start and end and start again, but a circle could start everywhere it wanted and never ended, even though it could only contain a certain time string. A time string formed into a circle, that‘s what it was and that was what Noah realized the longer he stood in it, or maybe it wasn‘t long, maybe it was just a few seconds. Time was a weird thing.

Noah Czerny was dead and he didn‘t like a second of it. He wondered if he would ever feel something again. Then he realized he was feeling sad, so the answer seemed to be yes. Then he thought, _can I also feel happiness?_ when a tune started to play. It wasn‘t just a song, someone was singing along, a nice voice to terrible lyrics „Squash one, squash two!“ He felt something light bubble inside him, his cheeks hurting and going warm from grinning so much. Okay, so that was possible too. He could feel the ley line inside him, giving him strength to stay in his time circle, stopping him from fading away.

Noah knew there was something he needed to do. He had gone back to this boy time and time again, whispering to him, but it wasn‘t the right time for the boy, so Noah needed to go there over and over again. _I want to step out for a bit,_ Noah thought. _Yes,_ the ley line replied.

He appeared sitting on a bed, in a giant room. Monmouth. Two boys were sitting on either side of him, facing each other. The boy with the buzzcut looked at him questioningly, raising an eyebrow. „And who are you? “, he asked. _Ronan._

„I‘m Noah“, Noah said. „I live here. “

„That‘s great!“, the other boy replied. _Gansey._

„What do you know about welsh kings?“

Another boy entered the room, emerging from a flight of stairs. _Adam._

„What‘s up?“, he called bumping his fist with Gansey. Noah held his out too.

Noah came and went. The brains of the others couldn‘t seem to catch the exact moment he appeared, it was easier for them to think he was there the whole time. So Noah came and went.

He was sitting next to Ronan on his bed, listening to terrible music.

Ronan didn‘t mind Noah’s silence. Ronan didn‘t mind Noah’s chatting. Ronan shifted, switching position to get his hands on his iPod to change songs, he was now lying on his stomach, bare feet in front of Noah’s face. Noah lifted a pale hand touching one of them. The same moment, Ronan flinched violently, Noah felt warm spreading inside of him, he felt more substance, he felt more, _more_. „Fuck, Noah, your fucking cold, what the hell?“, Ronan hissed but didn‘t try to pull his feet away. „Feels like a fucking corpse“  
„I am dead after all.“ Noah wasn‘t lying to Ronan. Ronan didn‘t like liars and Noah wanted to be liked. Ronan was looking at Noah over his shoulder, eyebrows knitted, he looked dark and dangerous. „Don‘t joke about that.” Then he pushed his feet in Noah’s face.

_I‘m not._

_But maybe I can pretend..._

Noah left Ronan alone in his room. He probably didn‘t noticed Noah’s absence, that was okay. Noah felt grief after Ronan’s comment, but it wasn‘t his own. Sometimes, Noah could feel what the others thought. He leaned towards it thinking, _maybe I can help him._

Noah found himself sitting in Ronan’s black BMW. Adam had just left the car to talk to Gansey and Blue, and Noah took his place on the passenger seat. Ronan was in the driver’s seat, facing forward, every muscle of his seemed tense, even though his hands looked like they were just relaxing on the wheel. Aurora had just died.

Ronan’s mother was dead. Noah felt Ronan’s grief eating him from the inside, his eye twitched in an attempt to hold back the tears. He didn‘t want to cry, because he didn‘t knew if it was from sorrow or furry. All that Noah could feel as well. There wasn‘t anything he could say to make things easier for Ronan, so he just watched him, letting him know his friend was there. Ronan flickered him a quick look, not turning his head and Noah felt how Ronan’s heart beat slowed down, just for a tiny bit.

 _I‘m an orphan._ Noah could feel Ronan’s thought. It was almost as loud as if the boy had let those words escape his mouth. Noah could only _hear_ others thoughts when they were extremely strong. Ironically, for someone like Ronan, who mostly let his actions speak and not his words, he had incredible loud thoughts. Not so much about himself but others.

_How can I keep Gansey save?_

_How can I make Matthew independent from me?_

_I want to dream something to heal Blues eye._

But sometimes also thoughts like: _I love Adam so much, it sometimes hurts breathing._

Blue and Gansey appeared before Ronan’s window, Adam was standing behind them. He still didn‘t move and when Gansey opened the door, he said his name. „Ronan.“  
Noah sloughed deeper in his seat. In this timeline his body was already removed from the ley line and staying present without someone else’s energy was difficult. They were talking. Ronan was asking Gansey what to do. Gansey didn‘t have an answer. Blue asked Ronan to come inside and eat something, but Ronan didn‘t move.

Noah leaned forward to get a better look at them. When he saw Blues blemished eye, he instinctively touched his own.

_I did this._

He felt terrible and wanted to disappear. He wanted to help. He wanted to sooth some of Ronan’s pain. He didn‘t want to hurt Blue, didn‘t want to leave marks like that on her. His misery must have shown on his face, because he could feel Blue thinking _It wasn‘t your fault. I‘m not upset with you. Please stop hiding from me.  
_ He didn‘t want to hide. But Noah could feel that for them their shared time was almost over. For them, Noah was drifting father away and away. He knew his days were counted, but he could spent as many moments with them as he wanted. In his own time, his own pace.

When the others went inside again, Ronan and Noah fell into silence again. Suddenly Ronan stretched out his hands towards Noah. The tear that had rolled down Ronan’s face was long gone. „It‘s creepy with you just barely visible. Feels like I‘m alone in the car but someone’s watching me.“ First Noah felt surprised, but then he didn‘t. Ronan was never really mean to him. He was kind in his own way. That was why Noah liked spending time with him the most. 

He took Ronan’s hand, who tried to oppress a shudder. Noah felt himself becoming more again, just like when he touched Ronan’s feet, moments ago. _No not moments, months._

They didn‘t say anything for an hour or so.

When Ronan finally spoke it was already night outside.

„I wish you weren‘t dead.“

Noah wasn‘t sure if those words were directed to him, or Ronan’s mother, or his father. Maybe it was meant for all of them.

Then Adam opened the driver’s door and Noah disappeared.

That was when Noah remembered a poem from school. He didn‘t often remember stuff from back then. It had been over 7 years after all. Even though it didn‘t feel that long for Noah. The poem was from Schiller, a German poet from the 1800 something.

_Sunk by the banks, awhile he weeps,_

_Then raised his arms to Jove, and cried,_

_„Stay thou, oh stay the maddening tide, Midway behold the swift sun sweeps,_

_And, ere he sinks adown the deeps,_

_If I should fail, his beams will see My friend‘s last anguish - slain for me!_

He wanted to save his friends. Could he do it? Maybe... Just a little.

So he started appearing when Gansey couldn‘t find a new clue about Glendower, and listened to him rambling. Noah appeared when Gansey was almost stung by a bee. Breathing hard and letting him concentrate his fear towards Noah in form of anger.

He sat next to Adam when he had taken another beating from his father, not saying a word. Offering him companionship. Never talking about money, talking about skateboarding, talking about Ronan.

Kissing Blue. Okay that one, he also did for himself. Patting her hair, making her feel needed. She would never admit it but she liked taking care of others.

With Ronan it was different. With him he felt most needed and least needed at the same time. With Ronan he build wooden ramps, with Ronan, he sat in silence, with Ronan he heard load and terrible music. Ronan treated him the same, even after he had found out...

Gansey was in the living/Gansey room of Monmouth Manufacturing talking to Adam on the phone. Noah entered Ronan’s room who was listening to his loud rap music through his expensive headphones, Noah could make out the music even though he was standing several feet away from the bed Ronan was lying on. When he spotted Noah standing there, he lifted a sharp eyebrow. „Creep, did you even enter through the door?“ Heat started rising in Noah’s stomach, well as far as heat could rise in a dead person. _Fury,_ fury was a better word for hit. „I did“, he replied. He tried acting human as much as he could, time just made him forget and he appeared and disappeared at the weirdest moments. Not always on purpose.

„Sure did, _Casper._ “, Ronan said.

Noah roared. He rushed to the window and started throwing things out. Ronan’s things. Things he didn‘t care about, maybe some he probably liked. He hated this. Why had those things had to happen? Why could he travel back on forth on this weird time string but not back before his death? Why was he dead? Why did he have to die? Why was Gansey alive, why was HE saved? He was the hostage in the stupid poem, but no friend would come to save him. Noah wanted to be alive. He wanted to play with his sisters, he wanted to celebrate Raven Day at Aglionby. Those thoughts were like heavy weights on his back, pushing him down, down, down.  
Into the ground.

_I want to be alive._

He was jealous of Gansey. _I want to be him, I want to be alive. I want to breath, I want a heartbeat, I want._ Ronan had been watching him for a few moments, crying without tears, because ghost didn‘t have tears, then he stood up, grabbed a wooden stool ,that stood in the corner with feet made of feathers, and tossed it out the window. He gripped an old speaker and pushed it into Noah’s hands who took it gladly and held it out the window. It made a satisfying breaking sound when it hit the ground and Ronan’s laugh howled through the room. And something started to bubble up in Noah. _I am dead._ And he grabbed a wooden figure, the size of his forearm and tossed it outside the window, laughing, while Ronan called „Not that one, Noah.“  
He couldn‘t stop himself, laughing and throwing the chunk out the window and with every crash he felt lighter. That‘s when Ronan grabbed him under the knees, catching his shoulder and lifting him up. „No way, man!“ He was still laughing and Ronan had a terrifying grin plastered on his face while carrying Noah to the window. „No way-“ and then he threw him out the window. The fall was short and it didn‘t feel that much like falling. He was in Ronan’s arms and the next moment he was on the parking lot ground, surrounded by the pieces they already had thrown out. _I‘m dead. But that doesn‘t mean I am lonely._  

He looped this moment again and again. The moment when his despair broke off and the joy of having a friend that didn‘t care that you were a ghost. Who threw you out a window _because_ you were a ghost, not treating you like something fragile, but treating you as a friend.

Noah couldn‘t feel any happier than in this moment. This felt even better then kissing Blue, because afterwards he felt light and not sad. _Friend._

Not caring about Noah being a ghost, didn‘t mean Ronan didn‘t care for him being dead. Ronan was furious. They were sitting on Gansey bed. Adam, Blue, Ronan and him. „Tell us, Noah.“ Ronan’s voice was acid. Part of his anger was directed at Noah. But not because he was dead, but because he hadn‘t told them yet who killed him, so Ronan could take revenge.

Hadn‘t he told them already? Wasn‘t Whelk already dead? No wait, that hadn‘t happened to them yet. Those time strings were getting more and more confusing for him since his body had been removed from the ley line. But he was sure they already knew, so that was what he told them.

Sometimes Noah was sitting next to Adam on the steps of his family’s trailer after Adam got another beating from his father.

Sometimes Noah accompanied Blue when she was walking dogs that belonged to people rich enough to not do it themselves.

Sometimes he listened to Gansey mumbling in his sleep, when he had a nightmare. Sometimes he sat next to Ronan in his car, racing Kavinsky on empty roads.

The demon was getting stronger. He started possessing things that belonged to Cabeswater, belonged to the ley line. Like Adam’s arms and eyes, like Noah.

He used Noah to paint messages on Greenmantle’s walls. When Noah tried to resist, the demon threw him back to his worst memory.

He was dying. Again and again. He could feel the pain, being hit and hit, again and again. Slowly he sank to the floor, his body twitching. He gasped for air but couldn‘t manage to breathe in. Then everything went silent again.

When Maura and the Grey man took him to 300 Foxway, he knew it was time. He didn‘t want to go, not yet, not yet, not yet-

„I want to do it for _me._ “ He told the women around him. They led him to the reading room, lighting candles, while he laid on the ground. He needed to get his ley line energy back, to travel to the point when Gansey died. He had to, it was important! Calla sat on the table behind him concentrating. The demon would try to get a hold of him again and she was there to hold him off.

He was thinking about traveling back to a moment he could take energy from. _Blue,_ he thought immediately.

The merry go round spun and spun and he waited for the right moment.

Noah was sitting under the pool table, he cried. _When I have enough energy to go back, I will be gone forever._

Blue was crouching beside him. It was so hard to stay visible, he felt so transparent, like paper.

„I‘m tired of it,“ Noah meant his fear. His fear to disappear forever. The fear of what would come after _this._ „What can I do, what can we do?“ That was Gansey asking. Nothing, Noah guessed. They kept talking to him about passing on. He could feel the demon stretching its claws towards him. „You don‘t have to be afraid.“ They didn‘t know, they didn‘t understand. He needed to fight he needed-

 „You don‘t know!“ He was getting hysterical. The demon already started to take control of his body, pulling him back. He tried to walk away from Blue and Gansey. He tried taking energy from Blue to set himself free from the demon. Papers were flying around the room, he had created a little tornado. Then suddenly Blue cut her energy off.

Noah fell to his knees. He couldn‘t fight this. He couldn‘t save them. „You said I could use your energy.“ Blue came closer to him. „Not like that.“

He felt like he was drifting away, back to Foxway where the demon was waiting for him.

„I‘m sorry.“ He wasn‘t talking about what had happened right now, but what he would do to Blue when he was back.

He stepped into Cabeswater. The forest was almost dead. Black liquid was dripping from the trees. He went further inside to the pond they found the first time they were there. Noah hadn‘t been with them that time. He crouched down at the pond. Gansey had imagined red fishes so they had turned red. Adam had collected stones and arranged them in a way to make the ley line stronger. Noah seated himself between the pond and the stones. He immediately felt energy floating inside him. He was looking for this certain moment. When Gansey died, he had to tell him to look for Glendower. That was what Noah had meant when he told Calla he wanted to do this for himself. If Gansey wouldn‘t come to Henrietta, he wouldn’t find Ronan, wouldn‘t find Adam, wouldn‘t find Blue, wouldn‘t find Noah. And what would Noah be when he hadn‘t had them? Would he immediately have died, would he have wandered around alone? That thought had scarred him so many times. _I don‘t want that._

 _I want to see my friends._ He started crying. The ley line whispered to him o _ne last moment._

So he went, one last time, to see his friends one last time before he had to pass on. He closed his eyes.

He opened his eyes. He was seated in the back of the pig behind Ronan, Adam beside him, Gansey, of course, in the driver’s seat. They were on their way to Nino‘s.

Walking across the parking lot Gansey was chatting away about his latest phone call with Malory. Ronan was rolling his eyes and Adam looked worried. He was always worried.

They went inside the restaurant and let themselves be led to a table by a tall girl with a smile a bit too bright.

Ronan hit his head on the lamp and said „Bitch.“ while the others laughed. He was always too tall for a room. The others ordered while Noah watched them. He felt Ronan looking at him from across the table. He didn‘t say anything, just raised an eyebrow when he caught Noah’s eyes. But Noah could feel him thinking _Are you ok?_

Adam was looking over his shoulder at a waitress. Not just any waitress. It was Blue. Ronan grinned and kicked Adam under the table. „Why not talk to her, tiger“, he sneered. Adams ears went rent but he send Ronan an angry look. „I can talk to her if you want to“, Gansey offered immediately. Adam shook his head violently while Ronan started encouraging him. „This will be fun“, Ronan said as soon as Gansey had left the table, Adam already began hiding his face in his hands. Noah snickered and shot Ronan a look that he returned just as cheekily. Gansey made his way to Blue. They couldn‘t make out what he was saying, but she sure didn‘t look impressed.

When Gansey sat back down he looked a mix of pissed off and insulted. Ronan was still laughing „I‘m not a prostitute“, he repeated Blue’s words and Gansey’s face burned while Adam buried his own further into his hands.

When Ronan, Adam and Ganse had finished their pizza, Gansey and Adam fell into conversation about what Malory had said earlier on the phone. Ronan was picking at his scarb he got from shenanigans last weekend. Adam had matching ones. When he noticed Ronan looking at his hands, Adam duck them under the table, probably fearing Ronan would pull off his scarbs as well.  
_I am not to tell others secrets._  
But Noah smiled at Ronans jumble thoughts about how beautiful Adams hands were. __  


This was the most relaxed Noah had ever felt.

While Adam and Gansey were paying, he followed Ronan who had been in a bad mood almost all day outside. The short outburst of joy from back at the table was already gone again. They walked towards the dark parking lot and Noah could feel himself drifting away. Suddenly Ronan turned around, suspiciously eyeing Noah. He still didn‘t ask but he sure noticed. Noah felt a dwell of happiness. Spending an evening with his _friends,_ his _friend,_ who noticed that something was going on with Noah. Without a word, Ronan lifted his hand and ruffled through Noah’s hair. A gesture Ronan usually only saved for Matthew. The sadness and happiness started mixing inside Noah. He didn‘t want to leave them but he was so, so happy that he did meet them, that he got the chance to expirence a friendship like that after his death. Ronan turned around again, he had spotted Declan.

Noah whispered „You are my best friend.“  
Then he disappeared.

Noah crouched over Gansey‘s body. He said, for the last time, „You will live because of Glendower, Someone else on the ley line is dying when they should not, and so you will live when you should not.“ Gansey died.

„Goodbye,“ Noah said. „Don‘t throw it away.“  
He quietly slid from time.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfiction I ever wrote so I hoep you liked it, I also hope you cried a bit just like I did writing this.  
> I had a lot of feelings regarding Noah after finishing TRK and this is how I cope with it and writing this helped me a lot understanding Noah a bit better.  
> Big thanks to tumblr user fancygansey who prove readed this for me :)


End file.
